A Better Self

Finding Your Reason “Why”

We all need that extra kick in the tail to really put things in perspective. Something that makes us wake up and smell the coffee, something that makes us feel motivated, our reason why.

My family is chock-full of health complications. You want it, we got it. Cardiac conditions, Cancer, Diabetes, Hyperlipidemia, Fatty Liver, Obesity, etc. I am physically healthy. Overweight, but otherwise healthy. The problem is, I look at all of those health conditions, and I can easily see myself being next. A couple of years ago, I was on a fast-track to this buffet of chronic illnesses. At my heaviest (non-pregnant) weight, I was 205+lbs. I stand about 5’3″. I stopped buying clothes at a size 18. Not because they were big enough, but because I refused to buy a 20. There is nothing wrong with being this size, however for me, it was a tough pill to swallow. I think we all have a cut off number, and I had hit mine!

Now, this is incredibly embarrassing to put in writing on a public site for the world to see. I guess, as I am writing this, I am telling myself that someone else is in the shoes I was in. Someone else is struggling as I was and am now. Someone else needs to find their why.

One day, while speaking with my husband, he mentioned that he wanted me to be healthier. He knew of my family’s history and was worried of the path I was going down. Someone my height shouldn’t weigh as much as I did. It was unhealthy. It was obvious that he was nervous. I could tell this was incredibly difficult for him to discuss with me. He didn’t want me to mistake his concern for my health with me thinking he was calling me “fat”. There was no doubt in my mind of his true intentions. This man loves me for more than my looks, and thank God for that! He is the best blessing that I have ever received.

What he made me realize was my reason why. My reason to get my crap together and do better. My reason to take better care of myself. They need me. My family. My husband. My kids. They need their momma, he needs his wife. I can’t be here for them as I should be if I am spending time battling the illnesses I was sure to experience.


Not only did all of my fellas need me, but I needed me. I was losing myself. I was eating because I was experiencing depression and anxiety and in turn was feeling depressed and anxious as a result of the weight gain. It was a viscous cycle. The only way to stop it was to force a break in the chain. To stop the flywheel from turning. This is something I still work toward each day. This is a lifestyle change. I do it for them. For my family. But also…

What is your reason “why”?

-Shawna

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