Despite my experience with yoga thus far, I don’t think I have actually taken time to just meditate. It isn’t that the practice of yoga is the only source of allowance of meditation, but rather that it was the first source that opened my thoughts to it. Although I find myself frequently thinking deeply about certain topics or events, it is more of a means of reminiscence or dwelling. Even when finding moments of focus and mindfulness in my yoga practice, I still struggle to identify moments where I have truly allowed myself to meditate.
The other night, something just told me to. I had this overwhelming feeling that I needed to meditate. It wasn’t even just a want, but like a sudden inexpiable physiologic need. I had been feeling increasingly stressed for several days, and the anxiety cup was ready to overflow. I also have been really widening my focus, and intent, on the future dreams that I have to better prepare for what to do in the moment. I always express my mind as a railroad station with 50,000 trains fighting for their way on to one track.
“Your mind is an instrument. Learn to be it’s master and not it’s slave.” -Remez Sasson
So, I went to my room (basically the only semi-quiet zone in our boy-filled home), made myself comfortable, played some relaxing music in the background, and tried to figure out what the heck I was supposed to do. I mean, I felt like I had the general gist, however when it came down to it, I started overthinking it. Immediately, I had to stop myself. So, I just did what I felt was right for me. I found my mudra, I closed my eyes, and just tried. Tried to find what stillness & meditation was for me. It was nothing fancy. I didn’t sit for hours. The skies didn’t unfold. But I immediately found relief, calmness, peace.
After about 15 minutes of quieting and focusing the mind, I allowed my eyes to open and to pull back to reality. The residual simmering of energy I felt gave me a simultaneous sense of tranquility and vitalization. The flowing of energy and magnetization of such was so palpable, that I could nearly visualize it with my eyes closed. Through my mind’s eye. Prior to starting my session, I had plans to do a short exercise routine before bed, however refused to do such because I did not want any disruption of that lovely sensation. I allowed myself to go to bed & went to sleep almost immediately (which is very abnormal for me), getting a wonderful night’s rest. The next morning, I awoke feeling refreshed, hopeful. Even before my morning coffee! While I know that working through daily stress, anxiety, and depression will be a daily duel at times, allowing myself the opportunity to practice such a simplistic and fulfilling act gave a sense of having the upper hand. I plan to make sure to utilize meditation more frequently in my day-to-day life. We shall see how it goes!
As always – stay whole, hearty, and happy. 🙂
What was your first meditation experience like?